The Last Goodbye
A day I will never forget. Not the day I lost him, not the day he was buried, but the day I said my final goodbye to my father. He was in the final stages of a courageous battle with lung cancer and was living with my brother. Jim and his wife Kim provided the round-the-clock care he needed. Brother John and I visited for a long weekend in San Antonio to help celebrate his 87th birthday.
The cancer had destroyed his body but his mind was still sharp and his sense of humor remained. The night before my departure we played Euchre and dad and I were partners. After losing several games we asked if he was tired and ready for bed. His response, “I am not going to bed a loser, deal the cards.”
As we headed to the airport the following morning my mind raced. What do you say to your most treasured loved one, when you know it’s the last time you will see them alive? Nothing prepares you for that moment. The finality of time, the swell of emotion and the struggle to stay composed all swirled in my head at the same time.
I exited the car and leaned into the passenger side window to give dad a final hug. His head was down and he chose not to look at me. I wrapped my arms around him the best I could and then instinct took over. Not one of my prepared statements came out of my mouth. With a trembling voice I uttered, “I’m so proud of you dad, I’m so proud of you... I will see you again, I promise. I will see you again.”
Before dad could respond, I turned and walked away choosing not to look back. I wanted to remember him as the great role model and father I loved, not the cancer-riddled shell he now possessed. Entering the airport, the flood gates open and I wept for several minutes.
The “last goodbye” to something you love and treasure is an impactful event for every sole involved. Losing a loved one is obviously on a level of its own, but for many senior high school football players the “last goodbye” to the game they love has come in the past few weeks. Their hormone drenched bodies and minds may be experiencing the first true loss of their life. The emotions they experience and the tears they shed are real.
As a head coach, I followed a tradition started by my long-time mentor Bob Staskiewicz. I would line up the seniors single file after our post-game speech and give each one a hug. My goal was to share something unique I loved about them and thank them for their commitment to the program. The tears they shed represented the impact the experience had made on them, and for me that was strangely rewarding.
Seven years have passed since my last goodbye with dad. Emotions flare up with memories of that day, and I now struggle with goodbyes to my daughter and grandsons who now live in Florida. That level of emotion does not exist unless a powerful love is in the equation. Countless times in the last two years I have text my daughter, “sorry sweetheart for the tears, it just means I love you so much and will miss you and the boys.”
A phrase that has recently allowed me to turn the corner on my emotional wreckage goes like this, “we must be grateful for the things we have in our life, and limit time on things we don’t.” Dad provided me with examples and lessons I have drawn from and will continue to draw for the rest of my life. I was blessed to have a man who dedicated himself in every way to his family.
I challenge seniors who have played their last game to take on this exact mindset. Be grateful for the experience and tools that high school football has taught you. Hard times in life are coming, it is inevitable, and this team sport prepares you well for life’s greatest challenges.
I challenge seniors to apply those lessons to any and all the hurdles that are about to come their way. Lessons of time management, consistent work ethics, evaluation, and unwavering commitment create an incredible foundation for any walk in life. The brotherhood created and the communication skills developed add another layer to your foundation.
Several members in my innermost circle have recently lost a loved one. A former captain, a co-worker I constantly laugh with, and my loving wife have all experienced recent departures. As I share sympathy with them, I also find it therapeutic to share some of my thoughts on the grieving process.
So, with that I throw out my final challenge to those seniors grieving the loss of the game that has created a huge chunk of their identity. Share the countless positive experiences you had with the younger generation. Encourage them to tackle the “hard” things in life and challenge them to develop skills that will serve them well later in life. You may find this shifts your mentality from one of loss to one of application and positivity.
I truly believe the game of football when taught correctly provides one of the greatest educational experiences a young man can absorb. A sport which provides virtually no other options for play past high school for the average athlete. A sport which lives as a snapshot of time in these young men’s developing years.
Being doubly blessed with an incredible father, and also an incredible high school football coach, I hit the jackpot. Oddly, their kindness continues to rise to the forefront of lessons I draw from the most in my adult life. Final goodbyes are also transitions to new beginnings. In the coaching world we talk about the “process.” Train, compete, evaluate, repeat.
Seniors, this is just one of many transitions headed your way. You now have the tools and arsenal to handle the toughest of times. If the cards you have been dealt are not worthy of your time, reshuffle the deck and play another hand. We are proud of you!!!